In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
