I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
