I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
