I just threw up on my dentist
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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