PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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