if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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