You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
