Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
