I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's like iHOP with fire
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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