Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The best revenge is premature balding
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
