We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
