i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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