sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
