I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
