im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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