He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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