I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
