If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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