Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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