I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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