I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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