I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The ass gains better be worth it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
