we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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