You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
