I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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