Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
