just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
