you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
