Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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