tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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