I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
