OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
