I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
