he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
