You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
