At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
