We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
