i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
