YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
