I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
