i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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