i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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