I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
