Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The air was thick with penises
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
