He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
