What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
