You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
