If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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