What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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