i need an iv and a liver transplant
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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