shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
