we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
