U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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