Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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