Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
