508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
